i’ve broken wind in them, urinated in them, biked in them, spilled food upon them, probably pooped in them, blown my nose on them, wiped oil on them, sand papered wood on them, slept in them, used them as a pillow, spilled countless variations of alcoholic beverage upon them, febreez’ed them… haven’t washed them.  very gross.  its almost time.

shall i shart?!